Follow him here(via lovequotesrus)
I HAVEN’T BEEN ON HERE IN SO LONG
no really i’m funny i swear please stay
do you ever open a novel and read the first few lines and think ah yes the narrator is a sarcastic little shit
So I was driving along with my best friend in the passenger seat next to me. Suddenly the car in front of me skidded on ice and I had to emergency brake. Before I knew it my hand was across my friend to stop her from flying forwards She looked at me and told me she couldn’t believe that my first thought would be to save her. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that, as a pizza delivery driver, I have developed a reflex action to stop the pizzas flying off the seat whenever I emergency brake.
"…and that’s how I met your mother." *turns to son* "And this is how I met your mother…”
*theme music plays*
*show continues for another 9 seasons*